From a ‘you’ problem to a ‘we’ problem.

How sex therapy and couples therapy helps get relationships back to ‘we.’

People often have a lot of skepticism when seeking couples or relational counseling. Often, they have been in struggle for a long time; the relationship has been feeling unsatisfying and resentments are building. Couples counseling is often seen as a “last resort” with one or both partners hoping that it can fix the other. So can therapy help relationships heal and change for the better?

The unsatisfying answer is that it depends. There are so many factors that contribute to the current state of the couple’s relationship and if there has been ongoing concerns for months or years, many find themselves worn out before they even set foot in a therapy office. Often, when people are exhausted and overwhelmed by hurts and ineffective efforts to shift the relationship dynamic, the idea of doing any more “work” in the relationship feels impossible. Soon this exhaustion can lead to resentment, and resentment can lead to blame. Suddenly, the problem in the relationship becomes a need for the other person to change; it becomes a ‘you’ problem.

And. There is hope. The therapist creates a supportive environment where they can take the lead in helping the couple make some shifts towards connection so change feels less daunting. It is always a collaborative process, where the therapist assesses the challenges the couples face and works with them to create their unique treatment plan that begins to center the ‘we.” Another way the therapist can help, is to disrupt problematic communication patterns and help each person feel heard, understood, and more effective.

Many couples find this shift from ‘me’ or ‘you’ to ‘we’ a relief. They remember why they worked together in the first place. Therapy helps them better understand themselves, communicate their perspectives and needs, clarify their goals, and to shift into being teammates instead of adversaries.

If you are interested in seeing what this might look like for you and your partner, set up an appointment to learn more.